#100happydays Project Days 57 to 63

Another week has come and gone! It's been a long and very busy one but a week that I have thoroughly enjoyed.

Day 57) Dad took me out on a training run for my upcoming 10km run and a triathlon the following weekend. I got a PB! Beating my previous fastest time by over 30 seconds. I was so pleased, having a training partner rocks!

Day 58) Ballroom time! I'm hoping to move up to Thursday class soon as Tuesdays are starting to become frustrating as I'm not dancing as much as I'd like to. Will be speaking to my teacher to see how long it'll be until she'll let me move up. Hopefully it's soon! 

Day 59) Mum introduced me to Shepperton Lake this week. It's a stunning lake where you can go and lake swim. Such good practice to triathlon and a fantastic experience in general. 

Day 60) HEAT WAVE! It was hot today that, after a very long lunch duty in the playground, I treated myself to a Mint Magnum. Yum! 

Day 61) I crashed my parents date night on Friday and wandered to the pub with them. Mum then bought me dinner so it was a double win for me, catch up with the 'rents and a free dinner. 

Day 62) Back to lake on Saturday morning for another swim! Was so beautiful in the early morning sun. 

Day 63) Car boot win! Found a bean bag chair! It is the comfiest thing I have ever sat in.... absolutely love it. The rest of my spoils weren't bad either! I do love a car boot now! 

So, there you have it, yes another week of happy times finished. 

Here's to another week!

I hope everyone reading this is finding time to appreciate the little things in life. Even if they don't seem to mean much, the tiny moments of happiness we can find in day to day life make a whole of difference in the long run.

What is your happy moment of today?

M xx

90s Flashback

My colleague, Sarah, as anyone who has read my post on Car Boot Sales will know, is a bit of an addict when it comes to a bargain. Her most recent random purchase was a pair of roller blades. The old inline skates of the 90s. I was transported back to my childhood of S Club 7, The Spicegirls, crimped hair and demin skirts. It was fantastic. There is little better than re-indulging in 90s pop culture!

When Sarah told me that she had started skating, I was mighty impressed. We were ice skating when she told me that she'd been practicing which made a lot of sense as apparently (according to herself) she was finding it much easier this time around.

I remembered that I had a pair of old skates in the garage, untouched for at least 5 years. Sarah was so enthusiastic about the whole idea that I thought I'd join her for a session or two - thinking that it would help with my ice skating and that I could try and learn some fancy footwork tricks that I have wanted to learn since I first started ice skating.

After a little hunt, and a near miss with my sisters very similar but 3 sizes too small skates, I found mine. Covered in dust and half buried under a pile of wetsuits, there they were. Thank goodness Mum is a hoarder of all our old stuff!

Appearing from the garage with my skates at 6:10am meant that I received some rather strange looks from my father. 'Megan, what are you doing?'
'I'm buying an elephant... what does it look like, Dad?'
'Oh right, okay. Well. have fun.' Was pretty much how the conversation went.

I was quite looking forward to end of the day when Sarah and I could strap on our skates and roll off down the road. It was going well for about the first 5 mins until I realised that my skates weren't working quite so well as I remembered. I can skate just fine, but it was taking a hell of a lot of effort to get going and to keep going. The minute I stopped pushing forward the skates would stop... it was all push and no glide. I was losing Sarah in the distance as she powered off on her lovely, new, still in good condition skates. I was getting more and more frustrated by the fact that I couldn't actually skate in my old, tatty inlines.

I stopped in the park for a while as Sarah did a few small laps of the path. She looked like she was having a great time and that only made it more annoying as I wanted to join in. 'Damn skates!' I kept thinking. If I was bad at skating, I would have been less annoyed but when your skates are letting you down and you can actually skate fairly it, it is SO irritating to have to sit and watch someone else skate around.

The evening ended in me walking home in my socks, thoroughly annoyed that I couldn't enjoy my evening. Feeling really ticked off, I went home with the mind to give my skates a good service - this has not happened yet. I'm going to keep my eyes open at the car boot tomorrow for a new pair. If there aren't any there, I shall take mine apart and give them a good clean!

Here's to a more successful session soon - after I can work out why my skates are being so damned frustrating. (First world issues)

At This Point I'll Try Anything!

I have stuggled with the way I look for years. I can look in the mirror and tear my reflection apart with criticism for the way that my body looks. I find it really difficult to find clothes that I like, clothes that do my body favours. When I look at myself, I don't see the beautiful bits first - I have to work really hard to find them after I've dissected every little thing wrong with my reflection.

At uni, things got a little better. I joined the women's rugby team and started training for at least 8 hours a week. I wasn't even thinking about what I was eating because I was training so much. My diet was horrendous and I drank way too much - but I still managed to drop to 180lbs. I felt great, I was confident, my body actually looked good and I didn't hate buying clothes because I could find stuff that I liked and that fit my body properly.

Then I busted my knee! For nearly 2 years, I could barely walk, let alone run or tackle someone. I gained a whole bunch of weight and went back to hating what I saw in the mirror. I am still there.

Nearly 2 years after my op, I am still a long way from liking what I see. It has taken me a long time to get back to training well, my eating habits have been less than brilliant and quite frankly... some days I just haven't been bothered to try. There are days where I feel like all my efforts are pointless and that it won't work, whatever I try.

A friend of mine is a personal trainer and a really good guy. He did some sessions with me once I was signed off of physio after my operation. It was a really good way to get back into my fitness - having a coach there to push me. There were many times when I was on the verge of throwing up all over his gym but he kept me going. Then I left uni and moved home, got a new job and had to work out to fit working out into a new routine.

He recently recommended the C9 programme to me, it's a detox and cleanse, that is designed to give your metabolism a reboot. It goes hand in hand with the F1 and F2 programmes - which are designed to continue the work started by C9 and aid further weight loss.

It's a little pricey but I had some extra money lying around at the end of the month and as the title of this post suggests, I'm rather desperate. So I thought I'd give it a go. Today is day 1 of the 9 day programme and it's going well so far. The first two days are a total cleanse - there is very little food involved and a lot of shakes and water and supplements to drink. It's got me going to the loo more than is socially acceptable but I'm at home alone so I think that's okay. You can eat veg on the detox. They are called free foods so I'm munching on some spring onions this afternoon as I'm quite peckish!

I don't really know what to expect from this programme but I'm hoping to drop a bit of weight and give my body a chance to reboot and get back on track with weight loss!

Upping my exercise regime again too and will be changing my diet after the detox is finished to a low card, high protein diet to start putting on some muscle for my triathlon.

I know it's all about little steps at a time but I'm finding things very frustrating at the moment.

Watch this space for updates of how the next 9 days go!

M xx

Open Water Frolics - A Triathlon Diary

As my next triathlon draws ever closer, I am throwing myself back into training and mixing it up a little. This time, I am adding a lake swim to the schedule and Wednesday this week was the first swim at Shepperton Lake for me.

After feeling so uncomfortable during my first lake swim at Eton Dorney, I was feeling a little apprehensive about getting into open water again. The whole set up was fantastic with safety staff set up around the lake and a canoe on the water to keep an eye on everyone as well.

For a new swimmer, you have a one to one walk through of the facilities and then a swim check by one of the coaches to make sure that you are safe in the water. After my 'tour' where I was shown the different course, I went to get changed. The courses were mildly terrifying. Unlike the session at Eton Dorney where we just swam between two buoys up and down and then returned to shallow water, at Shepperton the loops are out into the lake and back. There is no shallow water once you set off - once you're committed you've got to keep going until the end (or hail that canoe to come and rescue you). So that was added to my list of concerns about the session.

With wetsuit on, swimming hat sorted and having been reassured that the water wasn't too cold by some other swimmers I went for my swim test. It was fairly low key, a lovely lady just watched me swim out to the first set of buoys and gave me a wave of approval. Sounds easy? Should be but the cold is something that I'm still getting used to. It takes a while for your body to adjust, and putting your face into the water just makes you want to inhale because of the cold. It steals your breathe - quite literally. So, I bobbed slowly out to the first buoys for the swim test, just doing lazy breaststroke. I was competent in the water and my 'spotter' was happy for me to continue but I was still trying to get my breathing under control and my body to get used to the temperature.

It didn't take as long as it did at Eton but it is still a very strange sensation, submerging yourself in murky water and not being able to control your breathing. Once I got into the rhythm of it, however, it felt brilliant! The water wasn't too cold, there weren't too many swimmers on the course and the sun was shining beautifully over the lake. It was idyllic, being in the water as the sun started to set, with the sound of the swimmers around me and birds in the surrounding trees.

Yes, I had the occasionally fleeting thought that there could be something gruesome lurking in the bottom of the lake. Occasionally, I realised that I was way out in deep water and if I got tired, there was no floor for me to take a break on, nor was there a wall for me to push off from at the end of a lane... and there were a few points where I had a mini panic at the seaweed that loomed out of the water at my face (I hate seaweed with a passion - it's slimy and smell and twines itself around your toes.... EURGH!!).

But on the whole, it was just a magical swim. I think I am truly converted to the lake! It was so peaceful, I got out of the water feeling so relaxed. Can't wait to go back next Wedensday. Will try and do two laps of the 400m course. Don't think I'm ready to attempt the 750m course yet.

M xx

A Reminder Of How Good Life Is...

This is not really a revelation for me, I know how lucky I am to have so much love and joy and ease in my life. But I had a fairly vivid reminder of this yesterday evening.

I was on a beautiful walk with my parents. They have set themselves a challenge to walk to the pub once a weekend during the summer and they asked if I wanted to join them last night. With nothing else to do and the promise of dinner paid for by Mum, how could I refuse?

The sun was out, the canal was gently flowing - carrying leaves and blossom along in the dappled sunlight of the evening. It was so picturesque. I think sometimes in our busy 21st century lives with laptops, Netflix, cameras and smart phones we forget to just observe the breathtaking beauty around us. I know I'm guilty of it. I took my camera with me last night with every intention of sharing the photos on Facebook or Instagram and let the world know what I'd been up to. In the moment, however, I didn't want to see the world through the lense of a camera and I didn't feel the desire to post it on a timeline. I just wanted to be in it - to stand in the moment and watch the river, hear nature and feel the sun on my skin. (Yes, my inner romantic was on a major high at this point)

We were about half way through the walk when a man came round the corner in the opposite direction. He was disheveled, looked exhausted and had three huge bags of goodness knows what strapped to his back. He was carrying another massive bag in his hand. The load he was carrying was about double the width of him and towered a good foot over his head. It must have been excruciating to carry.

Now, I don't know his story. He may have made that decision to be a nomad - he may be the happiest man on earth, moving from place to place and experiencing life in it's most primal/basic way. But I couldn't help thinking about the circumstances that someone must have to be in to make carrying your world on your back and having no home the best option... or the only option. I could never imagine what it would take for life to become so bad that I had no one to turn to, no one to offer me help and no where I could go which forced me to take my life with me.

I suppose, in some respects, this is a very narrow minded view. My family is so 'root' orientated. We have always had a home, I have always had somewhere to come back to. The same with my grandparents - they have always been the roots of our family. Supporting us, welcoming us into their home whenever we asked, providing advice, love and safety since before I was born. Not having that support network is something I could never imagine.

I know for others, family like if just not the same. But I would hope that no one was ever so lonely that they had no-one at all. Everyone should have somewhere to turn - if they choose to do so. As I watched the man walk on my heart went out to him and I prayed that it was his choice to be there and not a result of having literally no other option.

At the pub, whilst I was having a lovely meal and a pint, I realised the biggest problems in my life right now are that I'm too scared to ask a guy on a date and that I'm not 100% happy with the way my body looks. My life is so damn easy! I don't have to worry about where the next meal, pay cheque, or warm bed is. I know when I come home at the end of work that there will be food and shelter. I get in my car in the morning without even thinking about it some mornings. Looking at this man, who appeared to have little more than nothing, I was reminded of just how much I have without even registering it. I am so very lucky and so very grateful for what I have.

Regardless of whether that man had made the choice to live like that or whether he was left with no other choice, I was returned home feeling incredibly glad of the life I have and a little ashamed at how, sometimes, I forget to be thankful for all the small pleasures I have on a daily basis.

Next time you're in starbucks buying an iced coffee or flicking threw the TV channels, moaning that there is nothing on to watch across 200 channels.... just remember how bloomin' lucky you are to have those 200 channels to be frustrated with or how nice it is to actually have £4 to spare on a coffee that you don't 100% need. Spare a thought for people who have it worse than you, not because you deserve to feel bad for having money or a TV license but because we have to remember how lucky we are to live in a world where we can have such blessings at our finger tips without really registering just how blessed we are.

Be happy, be blessed, be considerate.
And observe the world around you.... it really is so beautiful.... how about you put down the camera and just look with your eyes. Experience the world first hand.... not through your Facebook updates.

Happy Saturday everyone!
M xx

#100happydays Day 50 - 56! Week 8 Is Done And Dusted

We have officially crossed the half way stage. Can't believe that week 8 is out the way. Only 44 days left to go! Are you all finding happiness in the little things? Why not comment about what you found happy today - even if it was just a cup of tea at the end of the day!

Day 50) BANK HOLIDAY! No alarms for Megan! Had a lovely day in bed and did a whole load of colouring in my book. I also managed to watch an entire series of Grace and Frankie on Netflix in one day.

Day 51) Had a lovely catch up with Belinda over dinner at Giraffe in the sunshine. Then off to ballroom dancing for a lovely Waltz and Cha Cha session. Such fun.

52) I spent my Wednesday at Holiday Club, this was fine but it was followed by a very long meeting. I was very glad to see my bed after that! (Reusing an old photo as I was actually too tired to take a photo on Wednesday).

Day 53) Thursday was another Holiday Club day. We made 3D lego figures and put on a puppet show. Lots of giggles were had. 

Day 54) Baking Welsh Rarebit muffins at Holiday Club on Friday. We avoided the thunder storm and sang a little song to the rain but it still didn't go away! ALL THE RAIN HAPPENED! 

Day 55) Saturday was crazy! I drove to Portsmouth (about an hour) for brunch with Lydia, one of my closest friends from uni. It was lovely to see her and put the worlds to rights. I then drove to Surbiton from Portsmouth (about and hour and a quarter) to pick up the lovely Sarah. We drove back to Guildford (half an hour) to pick up movies, pjs and Bananagrams and then went ice skating and bowling at Guildford Spectrum. After that we drove back to Kingston (25 mins) for drinking, movies, Bananagrams and pizza. My little car was very tired by the end of it all but much fun was had all round. I now want to invest in some ice skating lessons and have learnt that I am actually quite good at bowling (when there aren't 18 other people watching me). 

Day 56) Blog related happy day! I reached 1000 views for this little rambling blog of my inner dialogues. It made me very pleased to have reached the milestone! 

And there you go! Week 8 over and done with.

Have a happy week, remember the find joy in the small things, especially when you are having a crappy day. Just finding one or two small positives can help take the edge of when life throws rubbish in your way.

Stay happy!

M xx

I Am Officially Training - A Triathlon Diary

It was very lucky that my first triathlon went so well. The reason for this is because I only had 8 weeks until my second on the day of my first! Which means, while I write my blog post I only have six weeks and 2 days to go! You would think that having done one already, and having done it reasonably well, that I would be excited for the next one.

You think wrong?

I am just as terrified, if not more so, for this one and this is because the swim is in open water. Okay, it's a lake. But it's outside, it's huge and you cannot for the life of you see the damn bottom. Don't get me wrong, I love to swim. Put me in a pool and I can go for hours. The sea? Yes, love it! The waves and funny salty taste. Trying to do handstands with your hands sinking into the sand on the bottom - hours of fun! I've even been lake swimming before and, on the whole, enjoyed it. It was lovely and warm, we were on holiday in Canada and it was a gorgeous lake. The surface was strewn with lily pads and we all waded in and went for a lovely dip....

Here's the problem... (there will be a slight digression, but stick with me, I'll come back to the lake and the triathlon very shortly). I have the worlds most over active imagination! Truth. I have kept myself awake until the early hours of the morning, the hours that NO ONE should ever see, because I convince myself that the characters from the horror movie I have inevitably watched that day are, in fact, very real! I have two examples of this that highlight just how pathetically scared I can become of my own mind.

Example A) It is a very snowy February in the UK (I know, that in itself is just freaky) and school is closed because, obviously, the whole country came to a stand still at the foot and a bit of snow that had dumped itself on us. Both my parents were home and working from home in the office upstairs, Sian was off doing I don't know what and I thought it would a really great idea to watch a movie by myself to pass the time. Yes, I know. A very normal decision to make - I thought so too. A movie to myself. Lovely. What shall I watch? Oh, I know, let's watch Paranormal Activity. Why the hell not?

Those were famous last words, weren't they! Now, for those of you who haven't seen this movie, it's basically a house haunting filmed by the inhabitants of the house. There is a very angry spirit that seems to take over the woman living in the house. (Even writing this, I am starting to feel really uneasy) There is one particular scene where the couple are in bed and the door to their bedroom opens by itself. The woman then wakes up, shrieking that she can feel the demon breathing on her. Here is where I imagination kicks in. I was fine ALL DAY! I didn't even think about the movie once I'd turned it off - the rest of the day passed without any drama and I got into bed. And Oh, holy Jesus, I scared the living daylights out of myself for hours. I went to bed at around 9:30 - 10pm.... I was awake until 5am! I kid you not! Every time I started to drop off, my brain would tell me that I was feeling the demon breathe on me and I would wake up again. It was honestly ridiculous but there you have it - my imagination scared me so much that I stayed awake for 7 hours!!! SEVEN HOURS!

Example B) I can no longer have a dressing gown hanging on the back on my bedroom door. I went to see The Woman In Black in London with one of my closest friends. It was terrific, I'd see it again any day but again, my imagination likes to play tricks on me. There is a part in the show where the Woman In Black stands on a stair case and just watches the young man move around her house. It is chilling - to see the presence of her in the house and see him so oblivious to it. (I am again, starting to get goose bumps and my heart is racing a little) When I got home after the show that night, I was just slightly jittery and couldn't sleep because every time I rolled onto one side of my bed I would catch sight of my dressing gown and freak out that it was The Woman standing at the bottom of my bed. So, once turning on all the lights of course, I got out of bed and put the dressing gown in the wardrobe and there it has stayed ever since.

So yes, my imagination doesn't need much of a seed to be planted before it goes into warp drive and creeps me out completely.

Right, back to the lake and relevancy of this digression. When you are lake swimming, everything is fine and dandy when you are above the water. The water is warm (if it's in summer and the water has been heated by the sun) and you can see everything. The second you put your head under the water it gets really murky really fast. If you pull yourself down into the water further, it gets cold really quickly too. I'm sure some of you can already guess where this is heading. When I was in the lake in Canada, I went into a little mermaid dive, like I had done a million times in a pool and freaking the flip out as I suddenly panicked that the monster in the bottom of the lake might come up and drag me down to the depths. Because I couldn't see, and it suddenly got so cold, my brain went into panic mode. I very quickly made the decision to stay in a lazy breast stroke with my head firmly above the waters surface!

I'm usually a very confident swimmer - as my Dad tells all his work colleagues, I was born with gills behind my ears. I would happily spend hours in the water without a second thought about it. But I was/still am very nervous about swimming in open water before heading out on my bike and then my run. I know it will totally change the feel of my triathlon. For this reason, I attended an official training day, run buy RGactive, a company affiliated with HumanRace, who are running the triathlon at Eton Dorney in July. The day was split into three seminars, one for each event, and three groups rotated round all three seminars with lunch tucked into the middle.

I was swimming first and quite frankly was very happy to get in the water and get it out of the way. Now, as I have said, I am a really confident swimmer and I have never felt more uncomfortable in the water as I did last weekend. It is a whole different ball game swimming in open water than it is in a pool. The first thing to battle with is the cold! It was freezing!! Well, actually, according to the thermometer, the water was actually 19 degrees C but it felt more like 2 maybe 3 degrees. I couldn't breathe, let alone swim. We did some basic warm up stuff, treading water etc. Then we were told to just float. We were all in wet suits and the instructor wanted us to get used to the feel of the buoyancy the wet suits provided. This buoyancy was going to, apparently, make all the difference to our stroke.

Here comes the part where I really panic. We were asked to go on a very short swim, using the modified front crawl stroke we had been taught on dry land. Putting my face in the water has never been more disconcerting. I have never felt panic like that. My body had adjusted to the cold of the water but my face hadn't. When I put my face in the water, my body wanted to draw in breathe. This, under water, is obviously not such a great idea. I could not exhale under the water. It was so weird, I'd never experienced it before and I actually think, that because I'm normally so at home in the water, that I was feeling even more thrown that someone who wasn't too confident in water at all. It took a while, but eventually, I did feel much more relaxed, my face got used to the cold and I could breathe but those first few minutes were horrid. It was a big eye opener to just how different this swim was going to be compared to the pool in Taunton.

The rest of the training day was helpful enough and I learnt some really great tips for the other disciplines as well as nutrition and kit but the swimming is the thing that I will take away the most from. It was so weird not being to swim easily! Luckily, there is a lake near me that does open water swims so I can go and practice more before that actually triathlon day. Got a lot more training to get through before then and hopefully, by race day, I will feel more confident getting my face in the water and I can just focus on the 400 meters that I have to get through without freezing, instead of panicking that I can't breathe!

Fingers crossed eh!

M xx