They say bad things come in threes, don't they? Well I think 'warnings' come in threes too!
As some of you may be aware, I've struggled with my weight for a number of years, gaining and losing various amounts of weight but never managing to get down to the real weight I wanted to and keeping it off. There have been numerous reasons for this, including a serious injury, depression, laziness, being happy in a relationship is the newest addition to this list. And yes, they are all also excuses as to why I have lost control and gained weight again.
I had three 'warnings' hit me in quite quick succession that told me a few things that lead to one conclusion. You are out of control, you have gained a significant amount of weight in a rather short space of time, you are NOT happy with the way your body looks at the moment. The conclusion being - Megan, it is time to take back control and get yourself sorted out! You deserve to feel as happy in your body as you are with the rest of your life.
Even writing that, highlights to me one vital change from every other time that I have started to lose weight. In the past, it has very much been a 'if I lose weight, everything will sort itself out and I will be happy' and then I lost weight.... and everything wasn't okay and I wasn't happy. So, I would give up and lose interest and motivation and I'd put weight back on.
Now, when I actually think about it. I am very happy with myself. I love my career, I have an amazing partner who loves me regardless of how big I am or what clothes I can or can't fit into. I have finally realised that the happiness that I feel within myself has very little to do with the number on a scale. I can now appreciate just how lucky I am and what a fab life I have. I know that I would feel more comfortable in myself if I was slightly smaller and slightly fitter but it doesn't directly impact the person that I am or the happiness in my life now. So, that was a big positive step for me.
On to these 'warning' signs! I got home from a very lovely holiday in Croatia with Martin, and although we had had a wonderful time, I have a gorgeous tan, lovely natural highlights, I was very aware of my tummy in all the photos we had taken when we were out there. I had noticed, whilst on the beach, that I was one of very few women in a bikini. Now, there were women bigger and smaller than me in a bikini and I am in no way saying that larger women should not be in a two piece. Quite the opposite, they should wear whatever the hell they are comfortable in. But that was the problem, I really wasn't comfortable exposing my large, wobbly belly on the beach! For me, that is a terrifying concept, to show off the part of me I really dislike was a big no-no! I looked at women all over the beach of each shape and height and really envied them and their comfort in their own bodies!
The second warning sign was a really tough one for me to get over! It was pretty embarrassing really. Martin and I went away for a mini break up to Stratford-upon-Avon for his birthday over the weekend, which was so lovely! However, on the second to last day, I was getting dressed and realised that all the t-shirts I had packed were a little on the tight side... the moment when you have to ask your boyfriend to lend you some clothes because yours don't fit. I felt so uncomfortable in my own body, even in front of my boyfriend, to not be able to wear my own clothes!
The third sign was soul destroying. I don't know about other women, but I have a go to dress that is lovely and I feel beautiful in - and it has ALWAYS fit me, even when I've put on weight. Well, I wanted to wear it to a wedding reception recently and surprise surprise, it didn't fit me. Not even close to fitting me! At that point, I really couldn't ignore the fact that I had reached a point where things needed to change and fast.
I actually started writing this blog a month ago. I then started teaching and life got mental! I haven't had a chance to sit down and finish this blog since August. I have also been finding it really difficult to get exercise into my routine with the amount of work I'm doing as a trainee teacher. It's really tough to get to the gym when I don't leave work until nearly 6 most days and get into work by 7:15 every morning. I know it's an excuse but it is really tough - when you're shattered after teaching all day long, the last thing you want to do is hit the gym.
I know I have to do it. I really want to do it. I had three gym classes planned this week and I physically couldn't get to any of them because, each evening, I had so much to do for work the next day. I also know that there needs to be a balance in life, work and 'play'. I really miss working out, the endorphin rush, the sweat, the ache in my muscles when I've pushed really hard! I miss that. I really want to get back into the mindset where I enjoy exercise.
So, in the last month, I've only lost a pound. Luckily, I haven't put anything on. My diet has been good with a few cheat days (but sometimes a girl has got to eat cake) and I've been feeling really healthy... just not getting any exercise in. I know that if I start to hit the exercise, the weight will start to come off especially as I'm not putting on any weight with my diet the way that it is. I just need to up my calorie burn and the weight will come off.
It's Martin and I's first anniversary on Halloween and I'm going to use that as a deadline. Next year, on our 2nd anniversary, I want to be at least 50lbs lighter. 50lbs closer to my goal weight. This morning, when I got on the scale, I was 237lbs (a horrendously embarrassing number) but this time next year - when I hit my goal - I will be at 187. That's nearly the weight I was at when I was at my fittest, playing rugby and training for at least 10 hours a week. I know that it's possible for me to get there - I've been there before. When I was 180lbs, I felt so confident, so happy in my body, I could wear whatever I wanted without having to scrutinise my body in front of a mirror before I left to go out anywhere. I didn't have to panic that something I wanted to wear wouldn't fit me or that I'd have to have a back up outfit ready just in case the one I wanted to wear wouldn't look right because of the way if fit my body.
I cannot wait to the back in that place again!
So I'm giving myself a year (okay, a year and a month) to get back to where I want to be. Hopefully, 50lbs lost or more. I'd really like people to support me, and to keep me accountable so if you want to comment, please do! Any and all encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
I'll update soon with how I'm getting on, I hope to post once a week (every Friday, once I've been on the scale but with work the way it is, that may not be possible).
Wish me luck!!
Holiday Vibes
Showing posts with label slimming. Show all posts
Showing posts with label slimming. Show all posts
Friday, 30 September 2016
Wednesday, 8 June 2016
A Very Long Absence....
So, I haven't written anything on this blog in such a long time! Life got pretty crazy and my blogging just sort of drifted off into obscurity.
Since I last posted I've lost a stone, fallen in love, moved into a flat with my new man, put back on nearly all of the stone that I lost, landed a new job and probably a lot more along the way.
Living with a man isn't half interesting..... getting to know someone's most private habits and nuances is an interesting journey to embark on. Who knew that the way someone squeezes the toothpaste tube could be so frustrating??!!
It's been a really intense few months, bloke wise, trying to impress a new family. A new part of a family you are hoping to become a part of. The pressure of that is immense at times, making sure that I don't let my other half down, making sure that I impress the people closest to him and show them the best version of me.
For me, this all very new. I've not met a boyfriend's family since I was about 14 and you had no choice but to have tea with the family after school if you ever wanted to see your 'boyfriend' outside of the classroom. But this, this is proper, grown up, I-think-this-is-forever kind of love and meeting the family of that sort of love is quite genuinely terrifying (sometimes).
Having said that, all of the family I have met, I've loved straight away and have made me feel so welcome into their little (or actually not that little) clan. I've still got lots of family members to meet as well apparently..... so there are more nerves and anxiety and stresses to come. :P It's all part of this amazing new journey of meeting all the people who are going to be a major part of my future. I can't quite believe how stupidly happy I am, how lucky I am to have found the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with and for them to feel the same.
Because I'm so stupidly happy, the weight loss/training has gone a little off the rails which is one of the reasons I wanted to start blogging again. I think if I put more focus on writing about my weight loss and training for my next triathlon, it might encourage me to actually stay on track a little more. I'm trying to courage M (my man) to do the same. Hopefully, we can get fit and healthy together, and then enjoy being slightly slimmer on our holiday to Croatia in the summer.
I've got a triathlon in just over a month and training has been really tricky since Christmas as my back has been pretty dodgy since then. There have been weeks where I literally haven't been able to do more than walk because I've been in so much pain, which means that I'm really behind on where I'd like to be fitness wise for my upcoming event. I doubt I'm going to get a PB this time around which is quite frustrating really. I can remember the buzz I felt at the end of last year's triathlon when I knew that I could get round the course faster than I'd completed it.
I know that I am smaller than I was when I competed last year, and I still have time to slim down about but I do seem to be finding it very hard to say no to the bad foods. It's becoming all too easy to skip a workout and come home to M instead. I know that this is pretty stupid and counterproductive to feeling good about myself. Spending time with M gives me the same happy feeling that I get when I work out, and it's so much more tempting to come home for dinner and a cuddle than it is to slog it out in the pool or in a gym class.
So, this needs to change.... quite a lot of it really. The eating habits, the work out schedule, I need to stop skipping the gym to see M.... I mean, I live with him, he's not going anywhere in the extra hour that I might spend in the pool/gym.
So my new blog posts will pretty much be about my weight loss, training, eating habits. If I can hold myself accountable to my (very few) readers then maybe I'll be able to get back on the band wagon and shift some weight.
I've started to doubt myself again and started to dislike what I look like in the mirror. It was such a great time when I actually liked what I saw in the mirror and didn't worry about my big, wobbly belly during the day in whatever it was that I was wearing. I want to get back to that point. Just before Christmas, I felt really great about the way I looked and now.... I feel pretty flabby and unattractive most of the time.
So, here is to getting back on track, a pound at a time, no crazy diets, no banishing certain foods, no deprivation.... just steady, sensible training and diet. I know it works, I know that I have done it before and that I can do it again. I just need to keep it up and not let my new found love sabotage my goals.
Stay tuned in for updates.
M xx
Since I last posted I've lost a stone, fallen in love, moved into a flat with my new man, put back on nearly all of the stone that I lost, landed a new job and probably a lot more along the way.
Living with a man isn't half interesting..... getting to know someone's most private habits and nuances is an interesting journey to embark on. Who knew that the way someone squeezes the toothpaste tube could be so frustrating??!!
It's been a really intense few months, bloke wise, trying to impress a new family. A new part of a family you are hoping to become a part of. The pressure of that is immense at times, making sure that I don't let my other half down, making sure that I impress the people closest to him and show them the best version of me.
For me, this all very new. I've not met a boyfriend's family since I was about 14 and you had no choice but to have tea with the family after school if you ever wanted to see your 'boyfriend' outside of the classroom. But this, this is proper, grown up, I-think-this-is-forever kind of love and meeting the family of that sort of love is quite genuinely terrifying (sometimes).
Having said that, all of the family I have met, I've loved straight away and have made me feel so welcome into their little (or actually not that little) clan. I've still got lots of family members to meet as well apparently..... so there are more nerves and anxiety and stresses to come. :P It's all part of this amazing new journey of meeting all the people who are going to be a major part of my future. I can't quite believe how stupidly happy I am, how lucky I am to have found the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with and for them to feel the same.
Because I'm so stupidly happy, the weight loss/training has gone a little off the rails which is one of the reasons I wanted to start blogging again. I think if I put more focus on writing about my weight loss and training for my next triathlon, it might encourage me to actually stay on track a little more. I'm trying to courage M (my man) to do the same. Hopefully, we can get fit and healthy together, and then enjoy being slightly slimmer on our holiday to Croatia in the summer.
I've got a triathlon in just over a month and training has been really tricky since Christmas as my back has been pretty dodgy since then. There have been weeks where I literally haven't been able to do more than walk because I've been in so much pain, which means that I'm really behind on where I'd like to be fitness wise for my upcoming event. I doubt I'm going to get a PB this time around which is quite frustrating really. I can remember the buzz I felt at the end of last year's triathlon when I knew that I could get round the course faster than I'd completed it.
I know that I am smaller than I was when I competed last year, and I still have time to slim down about but I do seem to be finding it very hard to say no to the bad foods. It's becoming all too easy to skip a workout and come home to M instead. I know that this is pretty stupid and counterproductive to feeling good about myself. Spending time with M gives me the same happy feeling that I get when I work out, and it's so much more tempting to come home for dinner and a cuddle than it is to slog it out in the pool or in a gym class.
So, this needs to change.... quite a lot of it really. The eating habits, the work out schedule, I need to stop skipping the gym to see M.... I mean, I live with him, he's not going anywhere in the extra hour that I might spend in the pool/gym.
So my new blog posts will pretty much be about my weight loss, training, eating habits. If I can hold myself accountable to my (very few) readers then maybe I'll be able to get back on the band wagon and shift some weight.
I've started to doubt myself again and started to dislike what I look like in the mirror. It was such a great time when I actually liked what I saw in the mirror and didn't worry about my big, wobbly belly during the day in whatever it was that I was wearing. I want to get back to that point. Just before Christmas, I felt really great about the way I looked and now.... I feel pretty flabby and unattractive most of the time.
So, here is to getting back on track, a pound at a time, no crazy diets, no banishing certain foods, no deprivation.... just steady, sensible training and diet. I know it works, I know that I have done it before and that I can do it again. I just need to keep it up and not let my new found love sabotage my goals.
Stay tuned in for updates.
M xx
Friday, 26 June 2015
OOTD: Thursday 25th June 2015
I love this outfit!! It's one of my favourite picks from the wardrobe I invested in when I got my job last year. When I bought this top it was tight around my love handles.... but not anymore! It's so loose and floaty now, which makes me want to wear it all the time as it proves to me just how much my body has already changed.
Apologies for the wet hair! I was, again, running a little late this morning!
M xx
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