I've been talking to a few of my friends about this blog and they've said that they like it because it's so honest... and that is something that I always strive to be.
I am not a fitness queen, I do not eat well all the time, I do work out enough. I am aware of all of that. What I am is honest and hard working and I have a goal in mind.
This week was exactly what I thought it would be - manic! I didn't make it to the gym once, I ate a lot of chocolate as I was going through all my assessments for my class this half term! Maths, reading, and writing for 34 kids is a lot of hours.... and that requires chocolate to keep going. I have not and never will have an iron will power that lets me be perfect all the time. And hell, if being perfect all the time and eating X amount of calories a day.... I don't want to be. I like cake and chocolate and cheat nights. That is life - we can't be on point every day, all day for ever. It's not realistic.
What I can do is try my best to get it right most of the time. Work small amounts into my already hectic routine and be careful with what I eat.
When I was 17 and going through some pretty rough times, I would punish myself for 'falling off the wagon'. I would starve myself for a day or more if I ate what I deemed to be the 'wrong' food or too much food. I'd totally restrict myself of as much food as possible and then binge when I was starving and the cycle would start again. So, over the years, I have learned that restriction is not the answer for me. It only leads to binge episodes and a downward spiral.
Only thing that I have definitely learned over the last 4 years of weight loss and weight gain, is that life happens. Someone throws a party - go and have fun (ie drink a bit too much alcohol). Someone has a birthday at work - have a slice of cake with them. You have a really crappy week at work and you can't be bothered to cook - order a pizza. It's life. Live it.
Okay, so don't do that every time something goes wrong and don't totally blow out every party but it is okay to let go every now and again and forget that you're on a diet.
It's a lifestyle, a life long decision and personally, I don't think it's realistic to never eat cake, or to never have a glass of wine on a Friday. You have to be realistic. I mean, sure, if I had better will power, I was more rigid in my routine and my diet, I'd lose the weight faster, but I'd be bored as hell and have no fun....
So, this week, I haven't gotten on the scale. I know that I won't have lost any weight, so why give myself the moral shattering moment of actually seeing that. I know that this week I have to get back on track a little and I will. But I'm also not going to obsess over the fact that this past week has not been good. I will reach my goal and I will succeed.
But I'm going to eat the odd bar of chocolate along the way.
I hope that in some ways, some where, someone reading this can relate and maybe this will make someone feel like they aren't failing or doing badly because they too, haven't had the best week either.
I'm not going to write things that aren't true, nor will I apologise for that - this is my reality, this is how I will achieve my goals and this is what my life is really like.
I hope this reaches other very busy, very driven chocoholics.
Check in soon.
Megan.
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